April 3, 2015
You’ve probably heard this said countless times already, but it is true: Raising children can be one of the most rewarding and challenging endeavors we can ever undertake. Perhaps a slight asterisk here would be to clarify that raising kids to be happy, well-adjusted, productive adults is challenging. I guess one could say that it is much easier to be an ineffective parent! Effective parenting requires our love, time, attention, and effort. As parents, we want to guide our children in a positive direction. Ironically, trying to control our kids can often backfire. As the old saying goes, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
The way in which technology is intertwined into our society creates unique challenges for parents. As we all have experienced, the constant allure of technology is impossible to ignore. There’s no way to cut it out, and it is only becoming more intertwined into our lives. As parents, it is difficult enough to manage the way technology pulls on us. At least in theory, as adults we have developed a greater level of self-control and self-regulation with regard to our technology use than our kids. So, as parents, what is the best way to help our children put some boundaries around their technology use since our kids probably do not have the skills to regulate themselves effectively?
The Problems with Relying on External Control as Parents
With a grateful nod to Dr. William Glasser in his work in this area, it is helpful to think of our role as parents in terms of influence versus control. We can influence our children (and other people) but not really control them. Sure, there are times that we can control our kids through coaxing, bribes, threats, punishment, and other coercive strategies, but there are a few fundamental problems with using such controlling approaches.
Now, I am not advocating that we parents stand back and let our kids do whatever they want. We do need to set limits as parents. Our kids need a number of limits to feel safe and to keep them safe. However, we want to be able to teach and guide our kids as best we can without being overly controlling or coercive. When we do want to guide our children OR set firm limits, how can we get the best results? I will cover this in my next blog, so please stay tuned!
Filed under Happiness & Well-Being, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized