Parent-child conflict in the teen years is common as teens begin to exert their independence and as parents try to maintain appropriate boundaries. However, if it seems that more of your interactions are negative rather than positive, it’s probably time to change your approach. Here are some ideas:
- Focus on increasing the number of opportunities you have for positive interactions rather than focusing on fixing the negative ones. For example, plan an extra hour each week with your teen. Maybe you could take her out to lunch during the week, work on a home project together, volunteer together, read a book together, or simply plan a weekly ice cream “date” together. Use the time to ask questions about your child’s life. Listen and learn about her, but resist the temptation to correct or give advice.
- Try to turn win-lose conversations into age-appropriate negotiating opportunities. Rather than fighting over who will get their way in a situation, ask your teen what he wants, then decide if you are willing to allow at least a portion of that. You and your teen may be surprised at the outcome when you both give a little.
- Enter your teen’s world and invite them into yours. That is to say, take part in some of the things your teen enjoys (e.g., listen to her music, have him teach you about his favorite video game, ask her to help you make a FaceBook or MySpace page). Then, invite them to join you in one of your activities (e.g., ask him to help cook part of dinner, take her to work and let her help you for a few hours, include him in one of your recreation activities like golfing, hiking, or crafting).
These are just a few ideas. The goal of is to increase the opportunities for positive connections with each other. Remember, they won’t always be a teen, but they’ll always be your child.
Leave a Reply