Most parenting advice resources highlight the importance of praising your child. Upon further investigation, however, it appears as if not all praise is created equal. Below I briefly summarize and evaluate different types of praise.
1. Evaluative Praise vs. Acknowledgement Praise
• Evaluative praise provides a comment on the child’s desired/appropriate behavior that includes a judgment or feeling from the commentator (e.g. “you are so smart, your handwriting is so neat”)
• Acknowledgement praise offers a description of the Child’s appropriate behavior without value. (e.g. “I noticed that you sat and waited quietly while mommy was on the phone.”)
• Acknowledgements are generally thought to be more effective in shaping behavior than evaluative praise.
2. Praising Ability vs. Praising Effort
• Praising ability can have negative outcomes. Particularly, children who’s successes are attributed to an innate ability (i.e. “you are smart,” “you are excellent at mathematics”) have a tendency to avoid difficult task for fear of appearing inadequate.
• Praising for effort, however, encourages children to take academic risks and have a growth oriented mindset.
Posts Tagged ‘behavior’
1 Mar 2010 Are All Forms of Praise Created Equal? No Comments
21 Apr 2008 Self-Liberation Through Actions No Comments
Our actions can have a huge affect on our emotional well-being. One of the benefits of focusing on changing our behavior is that it is mostly directly under our control. If you want to raise your arm, it’s only a choice away. Although depression can sap our energy and motivation, it is still possible to make small behavioral changes that ultimately can lead to changes in our mood. Some of these benefits come from the activity itself (i.e., it is inherently pleasurable) and some comes from the fact that engaging in these actions engrosses our attention. Thus, the shift in attention can break us out of a cycle of negative thoughts.
So, when we are depressed, jogging 5 miles might seem like a herculean task, but a walk around the block can still provide some symptom relief without seeming too daunting. Similarly, going to coffee with a friend, playing golf, going for a swim, throwing the Frisbee to your dog are all actions that can induce feelings of pleasure while breaking the negative “spin cycle” of the brain. For people experiencing anxiety, doing some relaxed breathing, jogging, doing a crossword puzzle (or other activities that are similar to the activities that break us out of depression), can help reduce the feelings of anxiety. The root cause of depression and anxiety in practically every case is some form of negative spin cycle of thoughts that elicit related feelings.
A funny thing happens when we learn to change our behaviors to improve our mood: We learn that we can change our behavior to change our mood. In effect, one of the (often unconscious or implicit) beliefs that we hold that contributes to us feeling depressed is something like, “I cannot do anything to change how I feel. I’m stuck in this depression and can never get out.” In psychology, this is known as locus of control. There is much research that shows there is a strong connection about beliefs that we are helpless and depression. Dr. Martin Seligman called this “learned helplessness.” We come to believe that what we do doesn’t matter.
In effect, changing our behaviors can give us direct evidence to counter beliefs about helplessness such that we then develop an internal locus of control. Focusing on changing our actions to change our mood…and then our thoughts…supports the notion from Dr. William Glasser (of Choice Theory) that, “It is easier to act your way into a different way of thinking than to think our way into a different way of acting.”
Next post, I’ll cover more on changing our thinking. Until then, make sure you do something fun!
20 Apr 2008 Self Liberation No Comments
Now, I’m on the same journey as everyone else, so I grow and learn just as you do. Thus, I expect my views to change some over time. Still, I’m very interested in finding some core truths that everyone can use to improve their lives. I’m comfortable saying that what I’m about to list here are things that I’ll continue to endorse as helpful in some way, shape, or form for the rest of my days.
From my own experiences, observations of the world around, my training and practice as a psychologist, as well as my spiritual journey, I think there are 3 main ways of liberating ourselves from our negative thoughts. What I’m going to do is just list each of these, and then discuss each in more detail in subsequent posts.
Here are 3 broad categories of ways of breaking the cycle of negative thoughts that are at the root of most (or possibly all) our psychological distress:
1. Change our behavior
2. Change our thoughts/perceptions
3. Get out of our heads altogether – instead of thinking or doing, we are being
I know these seem pretty straight forward, but sometimes it’s best to agree upon some of the fundamentals before moving forward. I’ll cover changing our behavior in my next post.
